Thursday, May 3, 2018

My Husband. Your Doctor.

Speeding through town, I had just dropped off a kid at football practice. I raced back to the church to drop off another kid,  then drove quickly to a soccer practice for a third.  At about 7:00, I start to lose my cool.  I'm used to my husband being late. But tonight I was frustrated. I sat in the parking lot with two babies, strapped in their seatbelts, fidgeting and whining behind me. I sent a rather mean spirited text to my husband.

"You said you would be home tonight to help with carpools. Where are you?"

He responded,

"I'm sorry honey. I just made a grown man cry like a baby. I'm doing my best to hurry"
You see, my husband is a pediatric hematologist/oncologist. That's code for a kid cancer doctor.

I stared.
At that blasted phone.
It was that same phone I stared at months ago after driving with five kids in a freezing Nebraska blizzard to our child's' first piano recital. James never came.  I had to take the two disruptive little kids out.  I missed the performance. I sent a similar frustrated text to my husband.

He responded,

"I'm sorry honey. We just got some labs back for a patient. I had to tell his parents that there was nothing more we could do. They are crying. They asked if I could please help them tell their son."

These are not isolated instances. This is our life. A mom at home trying desperately to save her family. A dad at the hospital trying desperately to save yours.
I continue to stare at the phone. Ashamed at my frustration. Knowing a family needs my husband much more than I.  I sit in the parking lot and cry for you. I bow my head as our minivan becomes a sacred altar and I pray for you.  And I pray for him. Every night. That he will be inspired how to help you. And your baby. I don't know who you are. And I never will. But we share something in common. My husband. And your doctor.

He leaves the house before the kids are at school. He misses soccer games, Scouting Court of Honors, piano recitals and football practices. We chose this life. And we chose it together. I forgive his absence. And he forgives my frustration.

My husband has two lives. Ours and yours.  I'm grateful that he's mine. And grateful that he's yours. There's no one else I'd rather share him with. I think he's pretty great. And sometimes I really miss him when he's with you. But I know you need him more.

7 comments:

  1. He has the luxury of having you at home so he can do what he does. How fortunate for you both. He is lucky to have you and you to have him. Be blessed.

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  2. This blog brought me to tears because that wonderful man you are married to actually treated my son at times when he was inpatient at children’s. He was one of our favorites. So thank you for Sharing him with us. Vickie and Aiden Deans.

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  3. Great blog, Jessica Ford.

    This was my life growing up as the son of an Ob/Gyn and was the life I lead as a husband & father before I stopped OB! Always felt no pain for me but all the pain for my wife & the kids! Now, we're empty-nesters. #NoRegrets

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  4. Do you know how many parents work two jobs or work overtime just to cover basic needs? You sound entitled and out of touch with reality. This blog should have been kept private where the families of his patients would never see it. Your husband is wonderful and you are a good wife and mother doing your best in a hard situation but this blog is ridiculous.

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    Replies
    1. I think this doctor is working the hours of having two jobs. I have no idea how much of his school loans he still has to pay off. With his brains, he could easily be a Wall St. banker, making alot more money and having more time off. Instead, with the help of his loving wife, he gives his all to a communtiy that would be hard pressed to find another specialist like him so easily. This wife's fleeting frustrations are normal. I find her blog insporational. I have read it three times. Each time I cry. I cry knowing that there is a doctor helping kids with cancer, who could not do this if it wasn't for his supportive wife. God Bless Them and thank you.

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  5. I agree! Millions of families face these challenges without your husband's income. You are comparing taking young children to a recital alone with learning that your child is dying. I've done both without the comfort of a husband so to me you sound pampered and selfish.

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  6. I read this post over on KevinMD. I appreciate the struggle. I wish you and your husband the best in magnifying all your callings in life.

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